As my Facebook feed got overloaded with people posting their resolutions for 2019, I couldn’t help wonder why would some people be so unsatisfied with the way they live their own lives. Beside all those ‘I will stop caring for those who are not worth my time’ posts – which I find crappy, at best – I can only imagine how many of you have really remained faithful to your resolutions for 2019.
I don’t mean to patronise anyone. But let’s face it… why do you want to change who you are?
That’s my only recommendation – and resolution for 2019, if you really want to make one. This is a tried-and-tested recommendation that is backed up by personal experience, more than anything else. Yes, I too tried to please people in the past – or not to hurt so many of them by vowing to abandon my blunt ways, if it helped people understand me better. But guess what that got me?
“Nothing!” … is your guess. Well, you’re wrong. It got me something. Something very important, in fact. It got me to the crucial life decision to never ever ever again try to change. Not for anyone’s sake, at least.
I know. It sounds rough. But it’s easier and more positive than it sounds. Easier than anything else you might ever have tried, in fact. Because nothing is easier than being who you are and nothing is harder than being someone else (which is practically impossible). And that’s the first reason why you should go ahead and just be yourself. Focus on who you are, and stop trying anything else.
The next reason is, well: it’s fun. I’m sure you’ve heard it said that If you cannot love yourself, you can never truly love anyone else. And that’s true. Most our relationships are built on insecure people depending on pleasing each other so that they can temporarily feel secure. This is why people become possessive, jealous and too clingy to their partner, family or friends.
So, if you want to do yourself a favour: stop trying.
No, that doesn’t mean you stop caring or stop loving or quit your commitment to your wife/husband/children or friends. Those are values and all values are inherently good. But they have to be also natural. The opposite of natural means if you’re struggling (to some extent, of course). If you’re struggling to care to a point that it effects your life badly, then you’re trying too hard. And that’s bad for you and all those around you.
Words fail to depict the exact balance between trying too hard and trying too little. It has been a challenge for me for many years. But we all know when the bridge between loving/caring naturally and trying too hard gets crossed. We feel it inside. That is when you have to pause, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and – pulling up your socks – decide to finally stop trying!
Trust me, it’s not worth it.
Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash