When my brother matthew died, he left me with a legacy of inner peace. A kind of inner peace that cannot be explained in mere words. Still, this is an attempt at a description of it.

As a person, I suffer from a bit of a general anxiety. My exhaustion after a day’s work – or something of the sort – results in anxious thoughts about life, the present, the future. Nothing major, and I am sure everyone of us have experienced similar feelings in their life before.

But eversince my brother Matthew left us, in November, there seems to be in me a certain calm. I still get tired at times and still experience exhaustion, like every other human being. Yet it does not result in anxiety.

Thinking of my brother, his life, our memories together, his passing away… all this gives me a certain peace. Do not get me wrong: I do miss him, I do cry – especially when I listen to certain music/songs. But I am and have never been sad – so far. On the other hand, it’s been a combined mixture of pride, joy and relaxation knowing that wherever he is, he’s better off.

Again, this is a very poor attempt at trying to put to words an interpretation of the marvellous experience I’ve been going through in the last few months. But if I know it could help others, then I am willing to write about it. Because I want to tell the world that you can be mourning a loved one, yet still be at peace with their death.